Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more