At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
