You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
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Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.