Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
