Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.