she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.