strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.