explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.