My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
