Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This house was built for laser tag.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.