I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
