The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?