the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.