Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
