i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
