I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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