why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.