I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?