yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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