god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
