Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
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is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
a bad idea.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
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it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one