Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
a bad idea.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one