i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.