i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.