Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.