Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"