And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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