Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
