this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dating After Heartbreak
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever