She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him