He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.