I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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