There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
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I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.