his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
