what day is it and did you see me today?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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