I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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