I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
