We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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