just tell him i said nine months
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
