I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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