Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
