so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
