the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My vagina is officially offended.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
