dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
