are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
