Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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