My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
