Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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