R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
