i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
