official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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