I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
