i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
