I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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