I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Buhtt sex?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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