Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
