wat bout pragnant strippers??
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
