Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
