Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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