winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
