barbara walters just said penis...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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