he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
