when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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