I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
