Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
